Sunday, August 17, 2008

I have just been going through my articles and I came acros this piece that I posted in March of this year. It seems almost foreign to me now that I struggled with balance so recently, so I thought I would post this today as a mark of how far I have evolved in such a short period of time......

Where does the light go?

Why is it that we can be on our path to success and happiness and then totally inexplicably we wake up one day and have lost the light? A feeling of predictable failure sits in the pit of your stomach and all the things you have been working towards either seem trivial or unachievable. I guess these are called our emotions cued by hormones, but wouldn’t it be great if you knew the secret of where the light goes, and all you have to do is open the right window to let it shine in?

What happens to you when the light disappears? Do you give in and binge eat, exercise excessively, cry on the sofa, hate yourself? Do you mourn for a moment and then go in search of the light? Or are you enlightened enough to know which window to open? Years ago I definitely did one or a combination of the first group. I recall when the scales used to say I hadn’t lost weight for a couple of weeks I would tell myself “I have done everything right, and I still can’t lose weight so I might as well eat this cake”. Of course I then dished out a good serve of self loathing for seconds. I am very happy to say that I have evolved from this victim mentality, as the truth is I am a fighter.

However being a fighter then moved me into the second category of mourning and searching. So after feeling sorry for myself for a short period I would then search and plan, and all else in my life stopped until I could find the right window. In a way I think all this energy that I burned up probably extinguished the light anyway. I have to admit to you all at times I still fall into this category and often end up so exhausted that I do think about why I am chasing my dreams?

Imagine that in that moment when the darkness closes in all you have to do is open a window or flick a switch to have your belief flood back in? Today rather than expends tons of energy searching I am going to sit on the couch, close my eyes and remember the feeling of lightness in my body and when I open them I am going to hold onto it!



ss2306 said...

Thanks for sharing Lisa. Close to home for me as you know.

Luv Shelley

Lisa said...

It is funny how we all have similar fears

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